


Heavy Hearts (Weigh us down)

by Life_is_an_Adventure



Series: the Aeonian Series [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alpha Park Seonghwa, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Baby Jongho, Depression, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Middle Child Wooyoung, Omega Kim Hongjoong, Panic, Panic Attacks, Postpartum Depression, References to Depression, SeongJoong - the ultimate parent couple, Triggers, Twins San and Mingi, Twins Yunho and Yeosang, the rest of Ateez are their kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21585229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Life_is_an_Adventure/pseuds/Life_is_an_Adventure
Summary: It hurts when you're being ignored by the person whose attention is the only thing you want in the world. ~AnonymousOr in other words I suck at summaries so here's a quote.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: the Aeonian Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867876
Comments: 21
Kudos: 192





	1. When Grief is Deepest

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I just thought of one day, and I figured I would write it, Don't kill me.
> 
> For Age Clarification  
> Seonghwa - 29  
> Hongjoong - 28  
> Yunho/Yeosang - 12  
> San/Mingi - 9  
> Wooyoung - 5  
> Jongho - 2

There are three things that you need to know about Park Hongjoong. 

Number 1: He has a perfect Alpha (named Seonghwa) who he loves and is loved by.

Number 2: he is a mother to six gorgeous pups that he adores with his entire being.

And Number 3: He is referred to as Uncle Joong.

He and Seonghwa weren't quite sure how it had happened but starting with their oldest Yunho and Yeosang, they called Seonghwa Mom and Hongjoong, Uncle Joong. It hurt that the same pups he had carried didn't consider him a parental figure, even though he was a daily fixture in their everyday lives. They had tried everything to get them to call him mom, or even dad, but to no avail.

He wondered if his kids didn't like him, or if he didn't show them enough love and affection and care as Seonghwa did. He didn't blame his mate, he couldn't blame him, nor did he blame his kids. He blamed only himself, and as he cried himself to sleep that night, he wondered if maybe his family would be better off with out him.

~~~~~

Seonghwa woke up, not slowly but all at once, and he just knew something was not right. It was 3 in the morning, and not quite sure what could have woken him he reached for Joong to cuddle back to sleep. Expecting warmth, all he felt was air and cold sheets.... That wasn't right. He got up to go search for his other half, finding him with packed bags and halfway out the door. 

"Joong-ah, What're you doing?"

Joong spared him a glance then looking away, "I'm leaving what does it look like I'm doing?"

"But... You can't leave," that comment earned him a derisive snort "Why can't I? Last I checked you aren't my keeper." Seonghwa had an inkling of an idea about where all this anger was coming for, but he didn't want to make the situation worse. "Jagi, if this is about the kids-,"

"Stop! Just stop, I've already heard it from the therapists, I don't need to hear it from you too! They don't see me as a parental figure, Do you know how much that hurts me? I'm their Mama, but they don't see it that way!" Hongjoong was close to tears at this point and wouldn't let Seonghwa get a word in edgewise. "At this point i might say or do something I'll regret, and I don't want that to happen, I need to go get my head right."

Looking at the love of his life, he let his tears fall, "Hwa, This doesn't mean I love you or the kids any less, I just need space to sort my thoughts." 

Seonghwa felt horrible, he knew it was getting hard for Joong to cope, but he hadn't known it had gotten this bad. He felt like a failure of an Alpha, and as he looked at his Omega a few of his own tears fell to join Hongjoong in his sorrow. "I'm so sorry Jagi, I've failed as your mate and Alpha, You take the time you need so you can feel better."

It broke their hearts, but it was best for all of them, that he leave. One last kiss was shared between the two, before Joong left not knowing when he would come back.

Neither of the two slept much that night.

~~~~~  
The next Morning~

"Mama, where's uncle Joong?"

Seonghwa stilled at the mention of his missing Omega, It was Mingi that asked, he had to take a steadying breath before he could answer. "He isn't here right now, he had to go away for a little bit."

"when will he be back? I miss him," Seonghwa expected this but he wasn't prepared, he braced himself for possible tears "I don't know baby, but when he lets me know, I'll let you know 'kay?" Mingi didn't look the least bit satisfied with that answer, but he just gave a huffy sigh and a mumbled okay before going back to eating his breakfast, "I hope he comes back soon, I miss him."

Seonghwa wore a melancholy smile, "Me too, Baby, me too."

~~~~

It was hard the next few days trying to balance out his schedule with the pups schedule, but he managed. He had hope that he could make it through his mates absence without any major incidents.

"I want Uncle Joongie!"

Well, there went that hope, "I know you do Honey, I want him back as much as you do, but he's going to be away for a while so we have to wait." He was met with a wail and a scent full of sulky pup.

"I don't wanna wait! i want Uncle Joongie!" Seonghwa could feel the impending headache forming behind his eyes "San-ah, Honey I promise he'll be back soon, do you think you could be a good boy until then?' He never liked yelling or giving punishment, Joong always called him a softy; He was met with another a wail from San.

"No! I hate you! You made Uncle Joongie leave!" San ran upstairs, and Seonghwa heard a door slam. He knew it would do more harm than good if he went up there now, he figured he would give San an hour to calm down before he went up.

~~~~

Giving a small knock he opens the door to San and Mingi's room, he expects a minefield of toys and stuffed animals, instead he sees a small lump sniffling on the bed. He sits on the edge and runs his hand soothingly up and down San's back.

"Hey baby, you feeling any better?" He finds a puffy and tear streaked face, and immediately takes San into his arms. "Oh Honey, it'll be okay I know you miss him, we all do; So don't cry okay?"

"It's our fault Uncle Joongie left, isn't it?"

"It's no ones fault, Joongie left 'cause he had some stuff he needs to do, that's all he'll be back soon." San leans back a little to look at him "You promise?"

"I promise, now let's go get your brothers and get some lunch."

~~~~~

Hongjoong missed his family, his mate and pups, he missed waking up to his sweet boys faces. But he knew he had issues he needed to sort out before he could go back home. Joong was doing his best to get better, going to the therapist every week, but some days the gloom made it too hard to get out of bed. How could he be a good parent if he couldn't even get out of bed and take care of himself or his family?

He tries his best on the days that make it seem like hes looking through a black and white filter, making everything gray and lifeless, devoid of any spark. And he is, some days he can push through and get out of bed, but he's still working on going out and getting things done. It's slowly getting better, and he's getting better.

Hopefully he can go home soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving his family was hard, but staying away is harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you go on, I'm leaving a trigger warning for a panic attack in this chapter, so if you are easily triggered stop reading at 'When Hongjoong woke' and start reading again at 'Seonghwa awoke'

Hongjoong woke up still expecting to hear the noise of a full house, and a good morning from Hwa, but instead woke up to utter silence; he missed his Alpha and pups. It wouldn't be long before he could be back home cuddling with them on the couch. 

But until that moment his life had become a routine of monotony, the only upside being the daily phone calls from Hwa about him and the kids. There were always plenty like Jongho learning a new word, or Yeosang getting a part in the annual school play, many tears are shed on these calls. But as much as hurt him to not talk to the pups, he knew as soon as he heard their voices he'd want to come home. He was a weak, weak man who knew we do whatever they asked.

He couldn't come home, he was almost better, but not quite yet. He's been gone separated from his family for a month, he doesn't want to stay away for much longer.

~~~~~~~

When Hongjoong woke it was to his ceiling under his and Hwa's bed, but why was he home? He shouldn't(can't) be back yet, so why was he here. He didn't see Hwa in bed so he got up to find him; except he couldn't move, he struggled for what felt like hours, but to no avail. 

As he lays there trying not to panic Joong sees something out of the corner of his eye, he turns to look and its his Seonghwa but it doesn't look like him, his face is distorted with something(pain? sadness?) he can't quite decipher it but he knows' it isn't good.

"Joong where were you? You never came back, I thought you loved us?" Joong tries to speak up, to tell him he was coming home, but something is choking him; He can't speak, can't scream he desperately wants to comfort Seonghwa, to reach out to him but he couldnt. 

Now Hwa was leaving him, to spiral down into the abyss of his mind, He was losing his family and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

~~~~~~~~

Waking up in reality, Hongjoong finally recognized the dream(night terror) for what it was, it still didnt stop his brain from going into hyperdrive, he could feel his breath getting shorter as his brain tricked him into thinking he had failed his family. His mind and body couldn't handle this alone, if he was home it would be easier, but he wasn't. 

He tried doing his exercises that his therapist taught him, but it was like he was on lockdown, and he couldn't concentrate long enough for them to work. He blinked away the tears clinging to his lashes (when had he started crying?) and reached for his phone calling the only person who could help. As he lay curled into himself on the bed he prayed the other would pick up.

~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa awoke with a feeling not unlike when Joong left, that something was deeply wrong with his omega and he needed to find out what it was. 

Mere seconds after he awoke his phone went off and he knew it could only be one person. After he picked up he couldn't hear anything, but then it was like it caught up all at once, and sound broke through. 

Fast, harsh breaths carrying panic with them, Seonghwa had hoped this wouldn't happen while Joong was gone but it had anyway(he knew it would happen, Joong had always suffered from night terrors)

Before he could gather himself to speak he was hit with a litany of 'I'm sorry's' and 'please don't leave me's, it always hurt when Joong spiraled because as hard as Seonghwa tried sometimes he couldnt help. 

"Baby, Joongie, I'm not leaving, I would never leave; the pups and I are right here waiting for you," he took a moment to collect himself as Joongs rapid apologies came through the receiver "We'll never leave you, we're married and you're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

A brief pause, "You promise?" 

"I do, Now can you do a favor for me Joongie?" He heard what he assumed was an affirmitive sound from him. "Can you tell me three things you can see?" Their method wasn't exactly perfect yet but his Baby was strong, and they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering, Yes Seongjoong are teen parents, this is just how I wrote the story. I based this off my own experiences as a teen mom, I am in no way encouraging this behavior.
> 
> So please stay safe, and have safe sex.
> 
> Also, thank you for reading, and leave comments I thrive off them.


	3. Made my way back Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished this last chapter after the last month of saying I would. So here you go, be fed. Love you 💙💙💙

In terms of personality, Yeosang was the quietest of the six as he didn't speak much (or often). This meant that he was the most observant of all the kids, he notices all the little things like when Uncle Joong and Mama fight, or when they're feeling upset.

It didn't take observance to know that uncle Joong was gone, his scent stale, shoes and coat gone from the front hall. He knew something happened when he heard mama crying the night before, when he heard mama and uncle Joong fighting, and when uncle Joong didn't return home the next day or the day after that or the day after that.

As observant as Yeosang was he needed help to figure out what was wrong in their home, but he hadn't needed to wait long. The others came to him first with something that none of them had quite expected.

A scrapbook which was ordinary enough, the older kids had a vague recollection of it, but didn't remember the contents. They knew it had their baby pictures in it, so they decided why not look in it? But instead of finding pictures of mama with his belly all swollen like a watermelon, it was uncle Joong.

"What"

They weren't sure who said it but it summed up all their thoughts "But mama is mama and uncle Joong is uncle Joong?" "How can uncle Joong be our mom?" "Then what does that make mama?" "I'm so confused?" and this is how Seonghwa found his children yelling over each others questions and looking through the scrapbook.

'Ah, I didn't expect them to look through the scrapbook' of course, they showed the pups when they were younger but it didn't quite register in their heads, so they decided to wait until they were older to try again. Seonghwa quietly reached over and plucked the book from their hands which gave rise to various indignant heys from all the pup.

He was immediately bombarded with a cacophony of sound caused by all the kids just shouting their questions at him, and not giving him time to answer. Seonghwa simply raised a finger to his lips to signal the kids to quiet down, "I know this is probably a little confusing but I'll explain everything, okay?" He just thanked the stars that Wooyoung and Jongho were asleep, or all the noise would have surely upset them. 

"So," that was Mingi "Are you not our parent?" "No, I am I'm just your dad instead of your mama," "So, that means uncle Joong is?" "He's your mama." A long silence followed, Hwa could tell that they were trying to absorb the information. "Why didn't you tell us?" "We did, at least we tried but I guess it just didn't click? so we wanted to wait until you were a bit older to try again." 

Yeosang spoke up next "Is this why you and unc-" pause "Mom fought so much?" "No, we weren't fighting honey it was just very stressful for your mama and he needed some time that's all." Mingi chimed in, talking over Seonghwa, "Does that mean he'll come back now?" Hwa let a wistful smile spread over his face, if only it were that easy "That's for him to decide, and we have to be patient and wait for him." 

He knew that wasn't what they wanted to hear; He heard the start of sniffling being held back, and it broke his heart that his babies were sad, the ones close to him and the one far away. He could at least comfort his pups, he pulled them all close even if a couple of them complained that they were too big for cuddles. "Come on now, no one's too big for cuddles." Seonghwa fixed this the only way he knew how.

"I'll tell you what, why don't we make a surprise for mama, and before we know it he'll be back home, yeah?" All of the pups had a soft spot for arts and crafts, courtesy of Hongjoong, so at the mere mention of making something, they (and the mood) perked back up. What better way to welcome their mama back home than with something they made themselves? 

With happy shouts the pups scrambled over each other and Seonghwa, with a few elbows and knees flailing, they made their way to the dining room leaving their papa sprawled on the floor. Seonghwa couldn't help but chuckle, nothing could keep their children down, with this in mind he got up to help his pups surprise their beautiful mama.

~~~~~~~~

It's been a couple of months since Hongjoong left, and he finally, finally felt good enough to go back home. He talked with his therapist and she agreed, he was in a better headspace than before; Even though Hongjoong still found it hard sometimes, those days were becoming less and less frequent. 

Obviously, he would still be seeing his therapist, but you can't be well if you don't maintain progress. He could feel the anticipation welling up as he made his way home, to his family. The excitement had the car ride passing in a blur and before he knew it, he was there. He made his way out of the car, but before he could step any closer, a thought struck him from nowhere.

Unwanted, Unbidden.

What if they didn't want him back? What if they told him they didn't need him anymore? That they never needed him in the first place? What if? What if? What if? 

Before he could spiral any further a noise broke through his daze, Twice's Dance the Night Away, it was the ringtone he set for Hwa. He hesitantly pulled out his phone to accept the call. 

"Baby what's wrong?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"You've been standing out there for ten minutes, do you want me to come out there?" Joong forgotten for a moments that windows exist. "No, I'm fine, just a little nervous, what if the pups are mad at me?" Hwa laughed, amusement coloring his tone. "Joongie, baby, they would never. They've just missed you terribly, so why don't you come on in, we have a surprise for you." Click

Joong paused paused briefly at the end if the call to try to gather his mess of emotions enough to walk up to the door, that seemed too daunting to approach.

'Okay, okay, I can do this.' Even with Hwas reassurances it still took him a minute more to open up the door and walk through it. What he found on the other side made his vision mist over, all the colors blurring together. 

There his wonderful babies stood holding a banner that proudly stated 'Welcome Home Mom", covered in various scribbles, hand-prints and the occasional splotch of glitter. Hongjoong really couldn't help the sob that escaped him, all his feelings caught in his throat. He carefully set the sign aside and scooped all his pups into his arms, it was a bit of a tight squeeze, but it was perfect to him. 

He hadn't even realized he shut his eyes until he blinked them open in surprise, to look at their youngest staring very intensely at him, finger still poking his cheek. "Mama," Joong could only stare at him, "No leave any mo', lov' you too much." Jongho barely finished speaking when Jongjoong rained kisses all over his face, while his other pups expressed their agreement around him. 

When he finally lifted his face from Jongho's head he caught sight of Hwa standing a little ways off to the side looking at him like he was the most beautiful person in the world. He reached out and pulled him into the snuggle pile making its home in the front hall. 

"Welcome home, Joongie-yah." 

As he shared a kiss with Seonghwa surrounded by the people he loved most, he couldn't ask for anything better.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna come yell at me my Bird SNS is @Hansookismyname
> 
> Might have another chapter? Who knows


End file.
